


Illicit Affairs

by natalie_ana



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: College AU, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Modern AU, folklore AU, jily, taylor swift au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:28:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27724835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natalie_ana/pseuds/natalie_ana
Summary: James and Lily have an illicit affair. How will it end? Folklore AU.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 8
Kudos: 47





	Illicit Affairs

He left in the dim of the morning light. She craved for a time when they could wake together when the sun was high in the sky and she’d know they’d have the whole day together.

“You know I gotta go, kid,” he’d say every time.

She wanted to say he didn’t. He didn’t have to go, he could stay. They had the argument often enough and his response was always the same. And she hated that he called her ‘kid’. It was the unwanted reminder that she was just the kid sister who had a massive crush on her brother’s friend.

“Do you think Jason would let me live if he knew I was sneaking out of your room at six in the morning?”

“Jason, Smason,” she responded today, even knowing as she said it that her brother would totally freak. “And don’t call me kid.”

He sighed, sinking onto the edge of the bed. His hand came up to cup her face, his thumb brushing across her cheek.

“Lily, we agreed…”

“I know,” she snapped before taking a breath in. She grabbed his wrist in the hopes of holding him there forever. “I know what we agreed but aren’t you tired of hiding? I want to go on a date with you. Out. In the real world.”

“What? Me sneaking pizza and a tub of ice cream into your room isn’t cutting it?” he teased. “I think it’s the peak of romantic actions.”

She nudged her shoulder against his arm. “You know what I mean. There’s a party Saturday night, come with me. As my boyfriend.”

He pulled her closer, his lips resting at the top of her forehead. “You’re killing me, kid. I’ll be there,” he promised but she didn’t miss his careful wording.

He’d be at the party but he wouldn’t be there as her boyfriend. It meant her night would be spent trying to spot him in the crowd. She’d have to watch as girls tried to flirt with him because girls always wanted to flirt with James Potter. If Lily and James were lucky they may just happen to stumble into a quiet spot together for seven minutes in heaven before parting ways again. Just the thought of how the night would go was stabbing at her.

“D-don’t bother,” she whispered.

“Lily,” he protested.

“No. I don’t want _this_. I don’t want to hide anymore. It hurts too much to-” she shook her head, the tears already threatening to pool in her eyes. “Why can’t we just be normal?”

But the sound of her brother getting up to use the toilet had James standing up. She’d never regretted deciding to take her brother up on a shared apartment more. What she wouldn’t do for a nice and private dorm room where her boyfriend didn’t have to sneak out of the fire escape all the time.

“I’ll see you tonight.”

She nodded her head in acknowledgement and he frowned, not pleased at the way they were leaving things.

“Please don’t be mad.”

She wasn’t mad. She was sad and that was worse so she plastered on a fake smile and said, “I’m not. Go on, before you’re late to class.”

He leaned his knee on the bed, his hand coming around to cup the back of her neck. She tilted her head up to face him and he pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

And then he was gone.

Time passed slower than usual and she didn’t see James again until Saturday.

“What is up with you?” Mary asked. “You’ve been off all week.”

“I have not.”

“Haven’t you heard, Mary?” Marlene asked in a teasing voice. “Lily’s having a lover’s quarrel with her secret lover.”

Lily rolled her eyes but she hated how right Marlene had gotten it. Something that wasn’t quite anger but was more than frustration had been growing in Lily since James left that Wednesday morning because she couldn’t understand why James wanted to keep them a secret. Yeah, her brother would be mad for a bit but he’d get over it and it’d be worth it.

“You’re not going to deny it?” Marlene asked with wide eyes.

“You two are just going to come up with your own fantasy story to please yourselves so I may as well come quietly,” Lily shrugged.

As predicted, the two girls did put their heads together to come up with a lavish story for Lily’s sour mood lately. They were in the middle of explaining why Lily’s secret identity as a princess was stopping her from being with her one true love — a bartender from Manchester — when Lily spied James across the square.

“I gotta go,” Lily interrupted whatever Mary was saying. She jumped up, grabbing her bag and high tailed in the opposite direction before Sirius or James could spot her.

She didn’t go home because then she’d possibly have to deal with Jason so she went to everyone’s least favourite library. She had a story to smash out for her creative writing class so minimal distractions was optimal and she totally wasn’t hiding out from everyone.

By the time Saturday rolled around, Lily was wound tight and it was making her jittery. She barely thought as she changed into some jeans and a nice top. Barely took notice as she walked to the party and when she got there she took no time in getting herself a drink.

She mingled with people she knew until she spotted James across the room. He was talking to two girls and Lily hated herself for noticing but they were pretty and stylish and James was laughing at whatever the shorter one said. Her arm was resting on his forearm.

“You okay, Lily?” Thomas Brooks asked her with concern.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I completely dazed out. What were you saying?”

He started repeating the difficulties he was having with their creative writing assignment and Lily did her best to be present in the conversation because honestly she was struggling too. Horror stories were not her thing either. She wanted to be a romance writer because then she could dabble in everything. She could do fantasy, or sci-fi, or historical pieces. And sure you could have a romance in a horror story but the horror part kind of killed it.

“I’ve been reading the _The Haunting of Hill House_ hoping to get some inspiration,” Thomas added.

“It’s probably about the only horror thing I’ve consumed that I’ve actually enjoyed. Haven’t read the book though,” Lily added. “And-” James’ boisterous laugh interrupted her focus.

Was it just Lily or was the shorter one closer to James? She should just go over there. Her and James were still friends in the real world if nothing else and friends were allowed to catch-up at parties. She should just-

“It was a really good adaptation from what I can tell so far.”

Lily spoke to Thomas for a few more minutes before excusing herself.

It wouldn’t be so bad if she went up to him. He could introduce her to his friends and she could talk to him. Even if it wasn’t how she’d like to talk to him.

So she walked up to the small group containing her secret boyfriend and two very pretty women and each step closer became a little less bold, a little more unsure.

“H-hi,” Lily’s voice croaked and she cursed herself for getting a dry mouth. “Hey, James,” she repeated more loudly.

“Hey, kid,” James grinned at her with a confused look.

“Who’s the freshie?” one of the girls laughed.

“She’s my mate’s kid sister. I’ve known her forever,” James said and Lily wanted to shrink into a ball as the girls laughed. “Lily, these are Kate and Vivienne. They’re on the cheerleading team.”

Oh, wonderful. Cheerleaders.

“Oh, she’s adorable,” one of them cooed like Lily was a two year old. The shorter one still her her arm on James’ forearm. “She doesn’t seem at all your type, James.”

“Well, this is a football party and Lily’s a lit major so I doubt she’s anybody’s type here.”

The two girls laughed and Lily kept feeling smaller and smaller and smaller. She couldn’t even think of anything witty to say. Couldn’t think of anything at all to say. He was belittling her.

“Have you lost your friends?” he asked her and she didn’t miss the way his eyes pointed to her brother standing a couple feet away from them. She took the message well enough. He didn’t want to be seen talking to her.

Finally, he’d given her an opening she could use.

“I thought I was coming over to talk to one but I was wrong,” she smiled sweetly. “Excuse me.”

She turned abruptly and walked away quickly before anyone can say anything to her and when she spotted the front door, she headed for it. She didn’t want to be at a party when she felt like such an idiotic fool.

Lord give her mercy, she was completely sunk by him and he acted like it was nothing. He couldn’t even act like they were friends, which they had been before they’d started sneaking around. She didn’t understand how he could act so sweet when they were alone and then so indifferent when other people were around.

She wiped away an errant tear out of frustration as she pulled her cardigan tight around her.

“Lily!” he shouted after her as she ran off onto the street. “Lily, wait!”

Why did he have to come? Why couldn’t he just be one thing? Why did he have to be a dick in one moment only to suddenly start caring the next? Her life would be so much simpler if he was just a dick.

“St-stay away from me!” she yelled, running her palm against her face to wipe away the tears that fell hot and heavy. God, she was going to throw up. She was going to be sick.

“Lily, please! Come back,” he pleaded.

“Why?” she whirled around to face him. “Why would I want to go back there? Were there some girls you didn’t get to humiliate me in front of?”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” he pleaded with desperate eyes. “Please, Lily. I’m sorry — I’m so sorry. I just -”

“I can’t,” she shook her head.

“You can’t what? Baby, I’m here, just talk to me.”

“I can’t do this anymore,” she whispered looking up into his eyes. “I think I figured it out.”

“Figured what out? You’re not making any sense.”

“Why you don’t want anyone to know about us.”

“You know why,” James said. “Your brother-”

“No,” she said firmly. “No. I think, I — you’re embarrassed by me. I’m always just going to be your mate’s kid sister.” She stepped back in a daze. The conclusion she’d come to, had it always been so obvious? He didn’t even bother to dispute it. He just stood there staring at her, his hand still holding hers as she stepped away slowly.

“Bye, James.”

She sprinted off down the street and she thought she heard him shout after her but she couldn’t be sure. In any case, she wasn’t stopping. If he really wanted to stop her leaving, well, he was the captain of the university’s football team. She ran until she was a block away and then slowed to a walk as she panted.

She’d been so stupid. He was just using her.

Maybe they were always destined for this, Lily thought glumly. To shouting at each other in the street andand these feelings that she hated. Maybe Jason had a point about her dating his mates.

She remembered how it had all started in a beautiful room. He’d convinced her into going to some charity gala his parents were throwing and she’d gone along with it because she’d always been a sucker for all things James Potter. She’d fished out the nicest dress she owned and she had Marlene do her hair and make up.

“If this doesn’t open his eyes, we can officially call him legally blind,” Marlene announced when Lily had shown her the final look.

She was wearing a black slip dress with a cowl neckline and a low back, the straps criss-crossing in a complicated fashion. She wore a strappy pair of heels to match and Marlene was a true wonder with the curling iron because Lily’s long red hair was falling in finger waves down her back.

“We’re talking about James Potter,” Lily murmured, adjusting the way the dress sat on her. “There’ll probably be girls there dressed in Chanel or Valentino. He won’t be looking at me.”

James had always seemed so above her. His parents were filthy rich and James was the star of the football team. He was always surrounded by the best and she could never compete with that. To make it even harder was her brother’s stupid rule that none of his mates could date her.

She’d never wanted to test it before, her relationship with Jason was delicate. Lily and Petunia only found out about Jason when Lily was eleven and Petunia was twelve. Turned out Lily’s dad had a one night stand before he’d met Mrs Evans and he’d had a son that he never knew about until a decade and a half had passed.

Lily had liked the idea of a brother and always went with her dad once Jason’s mum had started allowing Lily’s dad to have some weekends with Jason. To Lily, it was cool to have a big brother and he and Lily bonded like a house on fire. When Jason was sixteen he came to live with them for the summer and Petunia was livid. She had never wanted anything to do with Jason.

The disaster that was that summer wasn’t something that was talked about often in Lily’s family and Lily had only seen Jason sparsely since then until now. Lily ended up at the same university and Jason convinced her to share a place with him so they could really start bonding like siblings. It was working out pretty well even if her sister refused to acknowledge it.

Marlene snorted. “Potter could care less about brands. He only wears them because his mum and Sirius buy them for him.”

None the less, Lily walked into the gala feeling all sorts of nerves. He’d only invited her because Jason was sick and couldn’t go and she was now realising that she would only know four people.

Lily didn’t think she’d ever seen a room look so beautiful. Grand white flower arrangements stood on stands throughout the room and in the centre of large round tables, white china and silverware glittering off it. Men in tuxedos and women in gorgeous dresses stood and gossiped with flutes of champagne in their hands, ignoring the music floating from a grand piano in an alcove off the room.

Lily was directed to table two and she’d never been more aware of herself as she walked her way through the room until she found the right table.

“Little Lil, is that you?” Sirius asked, his eyes widening slightly with a friendly grin on his face. The stupid nickname had many variations thanks to Jason and all his friends had a habit of cottoning on to it.

James looked up and grinned too. “Hey, kid!”

She wanted to wince. Would she always be a kid in his eyes?

They waved Lily over and she was relieved when her seat was between Sirius and James. Out of all of Jason’s friends, they were the two that were around the apartment most and she knew them.

“Jason has us under strict orders to act like your mother and your grandmother combined tonight,” Sirius said mocking a serious tone. “But I won’t tell if you don’t.” Sirius slid a red looking drink in a martini glass at her. “A french martini. Drink up. The only way to tolerate these galas is the free alcohol.”

It turned out Sirius got a little carried away in teaching Lily how to tolerate posh charity galas and Lily was extremely tipsy by the end of the night. The world felt like it could slip away with the slightest breeze. She was only grateful that she’d yet to throw up and was sure if she made it home in one piece she’d be vomit free.

Except James was hailing down a cab and that did not bode well for Lily’s plan of going vomit free.

“Oh, no-no-no,” Lily shook her head as a taxi slowed to a stop in front of them.

“What?” James asked, his brow furrowing slightly. His bow tie now sat untied around his neck and he’d popped open the first three buttons of his shirt and as such, looked incredibly fit.

“I get nauseas in cars when I’m drunk. Like throw-up-obnoxiously kinda nauseas.”

“Lily Evans, you’re drunk? That’s absolutely scandalous!”

“Blame your brother and his french martinis. I’m not getting in the car.”

He sighed but smiled at her. “I suppose there are worse things than walking a beautiful girl home.”

“I don’t know if it’ll be so beautiful when I fall on my face because of these shoes. I mean, whoever invented heels were all about how my legs and butt would look fantastic in them but they were not at all about my zero hand-eye coordination nor the fact that wearing them makes my feet require a week long ice bath. I bet they coined the phrase fashion is pain just so people would buy their torturous invention.”

She began walking but James wasn’t quick to fall into step beside her. She looked over her shoulder with a sly smile.

“You gonna make me walk alone?”

“Has anyone ever told you, you’re quite vivacious?”

She considered. “Mmm, my twelfth grade science teacher. Has anyone ever told you you have messy hair?”

He laughed. “Only any person who’s ever had an opinion on hair and how it should look.”

“I quite like it messy,” she announced. “It’s very sexy.”

“Is it now?” he asked amused.

“Mm-hmm. You know, I always had a terrible crush on you and it was all because of your hair,” she said matter of factly and not with a hint of hesitation or embarrassment.

“My, Miss Evans, you really are drunk.”

“Maybe but Marlene’s always said you’re blind and now I’m starting to believe it.”

Before he could press on that comment she changed the topic to how buildings were so tall and wasn’t it cool? He let her babble on as they walked and he indulged her. He went right along with whatever weird topic she brought up but when he stopped at the front door of her apartment block, she shook her head.

“Elevators, also not a great thing to be on when drunk. It’s on the list of things I’ve vomited in whilst drunk.”

“I think I’ll need access to that list for blackmail.”

“Not a chance.”

“How’re you gonna get up to your apartment?”

“Fire escape leads right to my bedroom.”

“It’s four floors and you’re wearing heels,” James pointed out, truly concerned.

“I’ve done it loads of times. Vomit free,” she added as though that was the most concerning thing on James’ mind right now.

She skipped off and James groaned following her around the building into the side alley where the fire escape was.

“Isn’t there a stairwell inside?”

“Yes but it’s a pretty night so I like to be outside. Don’t you?”

She was about to grab the railing of the fire escape and take the first step up when he grabbed her arm and she leaned her head back slightly from their close proximity but he closed the space easily.

He kissed her.

It was hard and quick and she barely had time to realise what was happening before there was space between them again. His cheeks were very slightly flushed and she was sure hers were burning bright red.

“Um,” she said completely shocked.

“Shit,” he cursed, backing away, his hands dropping from her arms. “I shouldn’t have done that. I really shouldn’t have done-”

She started where he’d finished and she slowly snaked her arms around his torso, holding him in place until he took control. His fingers grazed the bare skin of her back dragging her even closer to him and his other hand cupped her face gently.

His lips were soft against hers and all she knew was that he tasted like an old fashioned. It was like magic hummed through her. She imagined this was what it felt like to fly or to power a storm and she wondered if there could ever be anything more content, more mind numbingly amazing than being in such close proximity to James Potter.

He pulled back slightly, his lips a little swollen and red from her lipstick. “Your brother will-”

She cut him off again. “I don’t want to talk about my brother, James.”

“Lily,” he said it like he was in pain, his thumb grazing over her cheek lightly as his eyes bore into hers. She just wanted to shake him and say “kiss me already, you idiot” but maybe she was paralysed by the same power that he was. They were locked there, standing in each other’s arms for an age, at an impasse until they both surged in at the same time.

“Oi, get a room!” some stranger passing the alleyway shouted.

Lily pulled away, taking a step towards the fire escape. James grip on her arms tightened.

“I don’t believe you’re sober enough to take those stairs without harming yourself, Miss.”

“Maybe I need someone to help me up.”

The offer was out there. He just had to take it. She’d want to scream if he didn’t.

“I,” his eyes flickered up to her bedroom window. “We shouldn’t — your brother-”

“Never has to know,” she interrupted — her first mistake really. “I’m not a little kid, you know.”

He eyed her up and down.

“You most certainly are not,” he agreed and she smiled at her victory. She turned and began the walk up the stairs, keeping his hand in hers. “But I’m certainly going to hell for this,” he muttered so lowly that she was sure she wasn’t meant to catch it.

Lily didn’t know how they went from a night that had felt like such a high to a night like tonight where James was staring down Thomas Brooks like he was just his understudy.

It was all because she had the terrible sense to invite Thomas to join her as her ‘date’ to their monthly bowling game. The monthly bowling game was a tradition that Jason and his mates had started when they’d started university and Lily, Mary, and Marlene had joined in ever since they’d started university since Lily was Jason’s sister and Marlene and Sirius had a Thing.

She’d completely forgotten about the plans — or rather she’d forgotten that this Monday night was the last night of the month — until Mary texted her asking if she could wear Lily’s black knit dress.

She realised with a lurching realisation that after two full weeks of avoiding James she was going to be forced to talk to him tonight. She’d never hated any idea more. He’d barely made any effort to reach out to her since their fight at the party two weeks ago. Wait, she was wrong. He texted ‘miss you’ about a week ago which she’d deliberately left on read. The only way to keep avoiding him was to be preoccupied and the best way to stay preoccupied was with a date and enter Thomas whom she’d happened to be sitting next to in her lecture for exploring genres.

She couldn’t deny the look on James’ face when Lily introduced Thomas to the group as her date was weirdly satisfying. He looked like he wanted to punch Thomas out and his face had gone tight with anger. Lily had felt him watching them since and Lily did her best to ignore him. Thankfully, Thomas was all too happy to provide a distraction. They had a stimulating conversation about whether they thought Professor Lithgow’s marking on their horror short stories was fair in between the causal trash talk the group was throwing around, as one does at bowling.

After Lily’s second go of bowling she insisted her bad luck in her first two turns was because she didn’t have her lucky ball and so set off to find it before her third turn.

“Why are you doing this?” James hissed, he placed his hand on the top of the rack stand and leaned to try and catch her eyes.

She rolled her eyes because of course he’d cornered her in the three minutes she was away from the rest of the group. She just wanted to search for her lucky ball on her own — a task she was already copping shit for from Jason and Sirius who loved any excuse to pick on her.

“It’s not illegal to bring a date, Potter,” she replied, still searching the racks for her ball and trying her best to seem unaffected.

“Brooks is a tool.”

“Why because he’s out on a date with me in public? Leave me alone. You had your chance.”

“Lily-”

“Oi, Lil’ Lil! You’re up!” Sirius shouted across the bowling alley, his hands cupped to his mouth.

James grabbed her arm as she went to pass him but she shook him off.

“Don’t!” And then because she was feeling petty. “Someone might think you care about me and we wouldn’t want anyone to have that impression.”

His jaw twitched and she walked passed him, her head held high. Suffice to say, she didn’t even hit one pin causing her to suffer terrible consequences in the form of banter and she couldn’t even say it was because she hadn’t had her lucky ball. It only mad her madder when James slammed the ball so hard down the aisle, the pins were obliterated.

He was clearly unaffected so why did he pretend to care when he didn’t? He obviously just liked messing with her head. It was the only explanation she could come up with because she was a mess and it was his fault.

“What’d Potter want before?” Thomas asked her as they walked out into the parking lot as the night wound down.

“Hmm?”

“You guys were talking when you went searching for a ball. It looked pretty intense.”

Lily faked a laugh. “Oh, he was just trying to psyche me out. Evidently, he succeeded.”

They reached his car and Lily didn’t know why she hadn’t just agreed to go home with Jason. It had seemed weird at the time not to go home with Thomas, she had brought him as her date after all but she didn’t have the energy. She really just wanted to crawl under the covers and bawl her eyes out.

She jumped a mile when she realised how close their faces were but he put his hand on her waist to steady her and stepped even closer.

“Not tonight,” Lily pulled his hand off her waist, or at least she tried to. Thomas put his hand back, higher this time, she could feel his hot hand just underneath her breast. “Back off,” she said more forcefully, stepping back so her back hit the car but he stepped with her and now she was well and truly trapped under him, he put his other hand on the top of the car so she was effectively blocked in and her throat went dry.

“Oh, come on. Don’t act like this. You asked me out tonight,” he pointed out, nosing at her cheek. She went rigid as a surfboard.

“No, Thoma-”

He ducked his head and Lily had only a second to realise and quickly turned her face, his lips hitting her cheek instead.

“I said ’no’!” Lily repeated, her voice raising in panic slightly.

Her hands were on his chest trying to push him off but he wasn’t budging. He turned her head by her chin and leaned in again but before Lily could do anything he was off her.

“She said ‘no’,” James was there with fury in his eyes. He cocked his fist back and let it land right on Thomas’s jaw.

Thomas staggered back as James let him go.

“You’re insane!” Thomas shouted through a mouth full of blood.

“Get out of here, Brooks,” James advised. “Before we sue your worthless ass for sexual assault.”

James turned to Lily, stepping up to her and he reached out to her only to stop and let his arms fall back by his side. Lily would’ve laughed if she hadn’t been in shock. Even in an empty parking lot he wouldn’t touch her.

“You okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine,” Lily muttered. She closed her jacket tight around her and crossed her arms before walking away in the opposite direction of Thomas’ car.

“Where are you going?” James asked jogging to catch up to her.

“Home.”

“I’ll drive you.”

“No.”

“No?” he asked confused. “Lily, come on. Jason has already left and it’s no trouble, really-”

“Don’t you get it?” she shouted at him. “I would ruin myself again and again for you and you wouldn’t do the same! So just go! Leave! I can’t stand this! I can’t stand loving you when you’re clearly just using me for a bit of fun during the semester because I’m around!”

“You think I’m just using you?” James asked astonished.

“Stop acting like I’m a little kid! I get it! You didn’t want a relationship but I do so just leave me alone!”

She picked up her pace and James jogged to cut her off. “Woah, woah, wait! Just stop for a second, please!”

She rolled her eyes and stopped. “Well?”

“Can you please get in the car? We can go to my place and talk like we clearly need to and you can shout at me all you like. Sirius is at Marlene’s so-”

She rolled her eyes. “Typical.” But she headed for his car.

The drive was stone cold silence. Lily stared out the window the entire time and James had turned off the radio after every channel had seemed to piss him off. Luckily, it was only a four minute drive and Lily followed James up to his apartment where James let her in. She headed for the living room and stared out at the city lights, waiting for him to say something.

“When did I ever say I don’t want a relationship?”

“And when did you say you did exactly? I must’ve missed it over all your excuses to keep us from telling anyone. We’ve been doing whatever the hell we’ve been doing since last semester and all I ever hear out of your mouth is why you don’t want to go public.”

“Your brother-”

“Stop using him as an excuse!” Lily exploded, whipping around to face him. “And even if you were so worried about my brother, what’s your bloody excuse for treating me like shit at parties and - and you didn’t even apologise!”

“I tried! I texted you-”

“ _Miss you_ ,” Lily quoted. “That’s the strangest looking apology I’ve ever seen.”

“That’s not fair, you never responded.”

“What did you think I’d say to that? I mean, honestly, James, you’re doing what you always do!”

“And what do I always do?” he asked, the first hint of anger showing in his eyes.

“You sweet talk me in the hopes that I’ll forget about it and it gets swept under the rug and we just go around and around in circles! I’ve had enough. I hate the - the - the games!” Lily said for a lack of a better word.

“You want to talk about games? How about you bringing Brooks tonight? What the hell was that?”

“It’s not like we’re a couple!” Lily shot back.

“How can you say that? You know how I feel about you.”

“Do I? Because I literally told you that I loved you and all you cared about was that I thought you were using me. Scared your easy fuck is gone?” she asked with bitterness, turning back around to the window.

“Easy fuck? Have you gone mad?”

He grabbed her arm to force her to face him.

“You’ve made me like this!” she shouted, her hands in her hair. “Can’t you see that?”

“And you think you don’t make me mad?” he shot back. “You make me so mad I don’t know whether to-”

“Whether to what?”

He looked at her and swore. “Whether to just,” he ran a hand through his hair before grabbing her face and smashing his lips onto hers.

She pushed him off her and said, “No!”

“Damn it, woman!” He paced back from her.

“Why are you doing this to me?” she asked. “You keep twisting me up! I’m just, I’m a mess because of you! A godforsaken mess. So why the hell do you keep doing this to me? Do you just like knowing that every time you call, I’ll be there? Do you like knowing I’d cancel my plans just in case you’d call? Do you just like torturing me? Why are you doing this to me?”

“Because I love you, dammit!”

They stared each other down for a second, and then another, and another, and then they were in each other’s arms. Her hands were in his hair, his lips were on her skin, and her legs were around his waist. They barely made it back to his bedroom before they began tearing each other’s clothes off.

She woke when the grey light peaked into the room from the only partially closed curtains. She supposed they hadn’t bothered with closing them.

James’ arm was around her waist, her leg was tangled with his. She turned to see him. He slept facing her and his face looked so peaceful. A curl was in his eye and she reached over to push it back but the movement had him waking.

“Hey,” he whispered, not opening his eyes. He just caught her hand and pressed his lips to it.

“Did you mean it?” she whispered.

“Hmm?”

“Did you mean it when you said-”

“I love you,” he finished, opening his eyes. “I’ve loved you since you seduced me up into your room.”

“Then why the secrecy?” she asked.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I know I haven’t handled any of this well and by all accounts you should probably tell me to go fuck myself and I’d deserve it.”

“So why?”

“Honestly, I was scared that if we told your brother, if push came to shove, you’d choose him. I know it’s a fucked up excuse but … I know how delicate your relationship with him is and I know how protective he is of you and I couldn’t stand it if I was the reason you started fighting with your brother.”

“I — there are so many things wrong with everything you just said,” Lily pointed out. “Firstly, if my brother ever tried to pull an ultimatum on me I’d tell him to grow up. Secondly, I get that Jason is protective but he’d get over it because he cares about us and all he really wants is for me to be happy. Thirdly, if I start fighting with my brother, that’s not on you.”

“It is if you’re fighting with him about us.”

“It’s not your responsibility,” she repeated firmly. “Because I do love you, James, and if my brother doesn’t want to get his head out of his arse long enough to see that then that’s not on you. I love you and I need you in my life.”

He leaned in and kissed her softly, their foreheads touching. “I need you, too.”

“Then promise me no more hiding and sneaking around. I want to be with you and I want everyone to know.”

He kissed her again. “Yes. These last two weeks without you were miserable. I love you and I’m so sorry I was being such an idiot.”

She kissed him, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. “And what do you mean I seduced you?” she asked, a smile on her lips.

“You were a complete minx,” he informed her, “the night of the gala.”

“I was not,” she denied. “I was drunk and you took advantage.”

“You basically begged me up to your room.”

“I seem to remember you kissing me first.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“Mmhmm,” she said, wiggling closer to him. “It went like this…”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for making it this far! Hope you enjoyed!


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